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I returned from Calcutta to Bombay yesterday… (Let’s move on to the next line, once you stop shuddering at the politically incorrect “Bombay” and “Calcutta”, shall we?)

My flight was late last night…so straight today morning (14th Aug) I went out to stockpile my Beer cans…apparently, tomorrow, 15th that is…is the Independence day of our country, when all Booze shops will be closed. Yea, we are not free to drink on the day we got our freedom…

Buying Booze today, which is also incidentally the Independence day of Pakistan made me feel like celebrating with them…but I am not unpatriotic hopefully…’cause I followed the laws of my Government…

This is how our friendly neighbours respect our flag, however…

Anyways, let’s get back to where we were…

I saw a hilariously fat, almost cylindrical, middle aged female bargaining with a street urchin for a paper flag. She wants to temporarily decorate her car and a good deal, he only wants a good deal…The fat female is suffering from a delusional bout of nationalism which will probably be in withdrawal within 48 hours…and will be completely over, when that Tricolour will be found thrown away in the roadside, right next to her garage…

The lowlife urchin however, doesn’t even suffer from any such temporary insanity…he is much too practical for all these, he only knows green paper that’s gonna go inside his pocket…doesn’t care about anything else…

Tricolour is just another object of bargaining…

I was wondering…the question that keeps on raising it’s ugly head…

Here are some home truth…

I like Pakistani singers and rock bands…Indian bands are idiotic…

I like Nadia Mirza, the anchor of Aaj TV, a babe, and a known India hater…at the same time I want to personally kill Ajmal Kasab, Afzal Guru, and Aftab Ansari…and all their handlers in Pakistan. I want to take away the ban on M F Hussein, Taslima Nasreen, Salman Rushdie. I want to put a ban on Medha Patkar, Teesta Shetalvad, Arundhati Roy, and other leftist-liberal intellectuals, who sit on their comfortable couch in their posh city apartments, and instigate poor, illiterate tribals to go against their own country…to grab some TV footage and/or peace awards…

(And while we are at it…can we just stop the Newspapers from publishing those naive, almost childishly emotional efforts of Chetan Bhagat to solve India’s problems please? I mean I like his books…but his Op-Ed pieces are not doing any good to my overall mental sanity, and I am slowly at times starting to think otherwise…)

I laugh at those politicians who talk about Hawkers, beggars, urchins having rights to settle down on City roads and footpaths…the same politicians who gets elected by the votes (and money!) of us taxpayers, and then gets the beggars and hawkers settled for their petty gains…sadly no one talks about taxpayer rights to clean roads…

I find, Raj Thackeray, Vimal Gurung, and most other regional leaders to be more racist than the Australians…

I laugh at the media crying hoarse about Racism in Australia and USA, when we ourselves don’t allow any black cheerleaders in IPL 20/20…

I find Victoria Memorial hall, Calcutta, to be a better model of architecture than the Taj Mahal, but I don’t know how many people will be offended…’cause apparently I am only supposed to like things of “our culture”…so yea, guilty as charged… (The protesting comments will be in English though…)

I find it hilarious that some hypocritical intellectuals come on TV studio and say that our democracy is a sham, when the fact that they are not straightaway shot at the back of their head proves that our democracy is robust and healthy…

I feel pity for Bengal, the place where I was born, cause it gets a choice between the disgusting and despicable Left, and the dangerous ultra-left…(Yes, I consider our central Railway minister, Mamata Bannerjee to be a hopelessly incompetent, opportunist, Maoist sympathiser, who can join hands with even Al-Qaeda to come to power…)

I feel betrayed by our Central Governments who are spineless to act against the Bajrang Dal, Jat Khap Panchayats, and the Imam of Lucknow…all of them who threatened to burn Valentines day cards, and murder in the name of “Honour Killings”…oh…and I forgot, the missionaries too…to pay and convert tribals…

I know for sure that our Judiciary is quick to slap fines and imprisonment for Contempt of court, but is too weak kneed to act against the corrupt politicians regardless of Parties…cause they are themselves politically motivated…also I am ashamed by our corrupt politicians…but that is an old boring story…

I also know for sure that there will be some bomb blasts or terror strikes somewhere across the country…either in Kashmir, North-East or the Maoist zones…cause the only criteria to join our Intelligence Services is to completely lack it…

I am also ashamed on thousands of other young urban professionals like me…who either get bitchslapped or humiliated almost regularly, or some lucky few like me, who SEE other fellow citizens be…by regional, communal, linguistic, cultural, moral and other thousands of groups across the country…but never protest…’cause we are too busy with our careers, and/or we got used to some uneducated criminal looking buffoons dictating terms to us…

Ah…f**k all…tomorrow we celebrate Independence day…

I won’t…I’ll celebrate it today…my way…boozing with a Tri Colour wrapped on…and I’ll wait for any Legal notice, or moral brigade to come and knock my door…

Meanwhile my 64 year old beauty, stay as pretty…happy birthday, baby…

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Nov 2008 - Remember Mumbai


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